If Not Now, When?
"Go confidently in the direction of your dreams." Thoreau
Have you ever said, "Maybe next year" or "I'll do it tomorrow" or "I'd like to but I don't know how" or some equivalent excuse? No worries, everyone has, but the goal is to move out of the group that has made this a habit. What would you really like to do but have no idea how? I have always wanted to live in the mountains of Colorado. I have the opportunity to do so now...but how? I'm 63 years old. How do I, by myself, pick up and move to Colorado?
I enrolled in a 3-month long class at the Parelli Ranch to further my horsemanship and hopefully become a Parelli instructor, and realized half way through the course that I could stay if I wanted, so I am taking the leap, and it's a huge leap of faith that I can get this far out of my comfort zone. After stretching the CZ, be careful because you won't want to go back...I promise. The gifts of spontaneity, courage, surprise, and confidence flood you. I hope you'll give a big jump outside your comfort zone whatever that means to you and prove me wrong........or right! I'd love to hear your experience.
Have you ever said, "Maybe next year" or "I'll do it tomorrow" or "I'd like to but I don't know how" or some equivalent excuse? No worries, everyone has, but the goal is to move out of the group that has made this a habit. What would you really like to do but have no idea how? I have always wanted to live in the mountains of Colorado. I have the opportunity to do so now...but how? I'm 63 years old. How do I, by myself, pick up and move to Colorado?
I enrolled in a 3-month long class at the Parelli Ranch to further my horsemanship and hopefully become a Parelli instructor, and realized half way through the course that I could stay if I wanted, so I am taking the leap, and it's a huge leap of faith that I can get this far out of my comfort zone. After stretching the CZ, be careful because you won't want to go back...I promise. The gifts of spontaneity, courage, surprise, and confidence flood you. I hope you'll give a big jump outside your comfort zone whatever that means to you and prove me wrong........or right! I'd love to hear your experience.
Zone Buster
"Create a definite plan for carrying out your desire and begin at once whether you are ready or not." Napolean Hill
Much of what I share about getting outside my own comfort zone concerns situations with my horse, Tronie. I have been here at the Parelli Natural Horsemanship extern program for 7 weeks and have another 5 weeks to go. I could easily share the wonders of Parelli Natural Horsemanship and the life changing experiences I have encountered. In Parelli we are offered opportunities for never ending self improvement and the bonus is that they are all wrapped up in playing with horses. The challenge is that you can't hide anything from horses. They sense everything, your emotions, intentions, thoughts.
My comfort zone busters over the past seven weeks have been giving presentations before my peers who grade me. I don't have a choice on these presentations. They are part of my professional grade for this class and ultimately could keep me from my goal of being a licensed instructor for Parelli Natural Horsemanship. Personal growth is the goal at Parelli and those of us seeking it keep coming back for more....comfort zone challenges daily. Emotional fitness is a huge part of this journey. Just when you think you've got it....you find out you don't. This can feel defeating, but is just another step in growth.
Have you ever Googled comfort zone? It's interesting what you find. Have you stretched you comfort zone today? How about teasing it?
Much of what I share about getting outside my own comfort zone concerns situations with my horse, Tronie. I have been here at the Parelli Natural Horsemanship extern program for 7 weeks and have another 5 weeks to go. I could easily share the wonders of Parelli Natural Horsemanship and the life changing experiences I have encountered. In Parelli we are offered opportunities for never ending self improvement and the bonus is that they are all wrapped up in playing with horses. The challenge is that you can't hide anything from horses. They sense everything, your emotions, intentions, thoughts.
My comfort zone busters over the past seven weeks have been giving presentations before my peers who grade me. I don't have a choice on these presentations. They are part of my professional grade for this class and ultimately could keep me from my goal of being a licensed instructor for Parelli Natural Horsemanship. Personal growth is the goal at Parelli and those of us seeking it keep coming back for more....comfort zone challenges daily. Emotional fitness is a huge part of this journey. Just when you think you've got it....you find out you don't. This can feel defeating, but is just another step in growth.
Have you ever Googled comfort zone? It's interesting what you find. Have you stretched you comfort zone today? How about teasing it?
Jockey?
The past is where you learned the lesson. The future is where you apply the lesson. Don't give up in the middle.
Hello from beautiful Pagosa Springs, Colorado, where I am attending a three month class on the Parelli University Campus. My horse and I are definitely getting outside our comfort zones daily. A most recent example of this stretching outside the zone occurred yesterday when I had to stand in the stirrups while my horse trotted and cantered around the arena. I will leave you to your own imaginings for a picture of a 63-year-old on an ex-racehorse doing this. My knees had to be bent to absorb the bounce and momentarily I felt like a Kentucky Derby jockey except my instructor informed me that was not the goal, that my butt needed to be tucked, my back straighter, and my heels out. I managed the heels out part after about 15 minutes. Age and gravity were to my advantage on the butt part if you can picture that. Now my thighs just need to be stronger and I think we'll have it made. The purpose of this exercise is to help us FEEL what balance is. Yes, I am outside my comfort zone and loving it. In three months time I am attempting to become a licensed Parelli instructor, advance my horsemanship, and learn as much as possible about facilities, ie buildings, barns, fences, arenas, pastures, etc. For a city gal this is overload but interesting as well. This weekly posting has suffered over the past few months and is likely to continue until I get back home. My excuse? Since my husband died in February, my life has not stopped spinning, but then one excuse is as good as another, right? I wonder if life ever interrupts the writing of New York Times authors? I wish for you the most wonderful June you have ever experienced. Hint: getting outside your comfort will enhance that experience!
Hello from beautiful Pagosa Springs, Colorado, where I am attending a three month class on the Parelli University Campus. My horse and I are definitely getting outside our comfort zones daily. A most recent example of this stretching outside the zone occurred yesterday when I had to stand in the stirrups while my horse trotted and cantered around the arena. I will leave you to your own imaginings for a picture of a 63-year-old on an ex-racehorse doing this. My knees had to be bent to absorb the bounce and momentarily I felt like a Kentucky Derby jockey except my instructor informed me that was not the goal, that my butt needed to be tucked, my back straighter, and my heels out. I managed the heels out part after about 15 minutes. Age and gravity were to my advantage on the butt part if you can picture that. Now my thighs just need to be stronger and I think we'll have it made. The purpose of this exercise is to help us FEEL what balance is. Yes, I am outside my comfort zone and loving it. In three months time I am attempting to become a licensed Parelli instructor, advance my horsemanship, and learn as much as possible about facilities, ie buildings, barns, fences, arenas, pastures, etc. For a city gal this is overload but interesting as well. This weekly posting has suffered over the past few months and is likely to continue until I get back home. My excuse? Since my husband died in February, my life has not stopped spinning, but then one excuse is as good as another, right? I wonder if life ever interrupts the writing of New York Times authors? I wish for you the most wonderful June you have ever experienced. Hint: getting outside your comfort will enhance that experience!
"Adversity causes some men to break, others to break records."
William A. Ward
My husband of 40 years died in a tragic accident last month. This is the first time I've experienced the death of a husband and all that comes with the event. I am still knee deep in paper work, but this too shall end. Every day I am grateful I don't work shuffling papers all day. I am grateful for the friends in my life who came to my side and stayed. I am grateful for my family who have been supportive. I am grateful for each new day in every way. Through this experience, I've learned that life is indeed fleeting and there is no room for a comfort zone. All of life is outside this small circle and all that remains inside is a slow death. Logistically, this event will change my life, but in a bigger way, a spiritual, emotional, and psychological way, I have the choice to change. I will seize every moment in every way and choose the change that allows life worth living.
William A. Ward
My husband of 40 years died in a tragic accident last month. This is the first time I've experienced the death of a husband and all that comes with the event. I am still knee deep in paper work, but this too shall end. Every day I am grateful I don't work shuffling papers all day. I am grateful for the friends in my life who came to my side and stayed. I am grateful for my family who have been supportive. I am grateful for each new day in every way. Through this experience, I've learned that life is indeed fleeting and there is no room for a comfort zone. All of life is outside this small circle and all that remains inside is a slow death. Logistically, this event will change my life, but in a bigger way, a spiritual, emotional, and psychological way, I have the choice to change. I will seize every moment in every way and choose the change that allows life worth living.
Fear = Gift
"All fear is bondage." Anon
My experiences with my horse provide me with an endless supply of material concerning our comfort zones. I've had to leave my CZ many times to learn what my horse was trying to teach me. Today, for instance, I was riding and could feel that he wanted to take me over a jump. The jumps are set up for me to send him over when I am on the ground playing with him online or at liberty. I haven't felt comfortable jumping over anything taller than a foot off the ground while riding. I was asking him to go around it but he was asking me to go over it with him. In his ask, he projected a calm to me. I think he was telling me I could trust him, so I stepped outside my zone, held on tight, knowing I could end up on the ground, and we went over! It was not graceful on my part, but I did it. We stopped, I thought about it, felt the fear replaced with confidence, and then I asked him to take me over again. The second time over I felt a thrill. Once I let go of the fear, it didn't return. Now if I had ended up on the ground, it would be very different, but I didn't, and I never would have known that had I not stretched myself. At some point in the future, I'll laugh when I think about ever being afraid to jump.
Each time I step outside my comfort zone, even a tiny amount, big things happen. Expanding changes everything. Believe it or not staying inside my comfort zone feels claustrophobic and limiting. I once read that every fear is a gift. Every gift needs opening. Once you open the gift, there is nothing to fear.
Jumping with you this week,
Sue Ellen
My experiences with my horse provide me with an endless supply of material concerning our comfort zones. I've had to leave my CZ many times to learn what my horse was trying to teach me. Today, for instance, I was riding and could feel that he wanted to take me over a jump. The jumps are set up for me to send him over when I am on the ground playing with him online or at liberty. I haven't felt comfortable jumping over anything taller than a foot off the ground while riding. I was asking him to go around it but he was asking me to go over it with him. In his ask, he projected a calm to me. I think he was telling me I could trust him, so I stepped outside my zone, held on tight, knowing I could end up on the ground, and we went over! It was not graceful on my part, but I did it. We stopped, I thought about it, felt the fear replaced with confidence, and then I asked him to take me over again. The second time over I felt a thrill. Once I let go of the fear, it didn't return. Now if I had ended up on the ground, it would be very different, but I didn't, and I never would have known that had I not stretched myself. At some point in the future, I'll laugh when I think about ever being afraid to jump.
Each time I step outside my comfort zone, even a tiny amount, big things happen. Expanding changes everything. Believe it or not staying inside my comfort zone feels claustrophobic and limiting. I once read that every fear is a gift. Every gift needs opening. Once you open the gift, there is nothing to fear.
Jumping with you this week,
Sue Ellen
How You See It
"Vision is the art of seeing things invisible." Jonathan Swift
Recently I read about the concept of sight. In the entry, and through scientific studies, it appears that we see with our minds, not our eyes. Maybe this is where the 'mind's eye' comes from. The following is taken from the book How We Know by Martin and Inge Goldstein concerning the outcome of surgery performed on people who were born blind due to cataracts. After the surgery, these people saw only swirling lights and colors. The subjects could not pick out objects. They all had to undergo a long training to 'see' things. "It is apparent that (sight), the sense we think of as most directly putting us in touch with facts is learned rather than automatic. We see with our minds, not with our eyes, and we are subject to whatever unconscious biases and misconceptions are produced by the training that teaches us to see...things need not be what they seem...changes in our own thinking may change what we see."
What does this have to do with getting outside your comfort zone you may ask. Our perceptions are our filters, and these perceptions are learned...so are your fears, your doubts, your sight. Simply put, we create our own reality through our perceptions. Oh my gosh, we've been socially programmed! Change your thoughts and you will change your life.
So, this week, pay very close attention to your thoughts, especially those that cause the uncomfortable feelings you get when you think about getting outside your comfort zone. The only reason you perceive something as dangerous when someone else is quite willing to participate is because you learned to see it that way.
Be seeing you,
Sue Ellen
Recently I read about the concept of sight. In the entry, and through scientific studies, it appears that we see with our minds, not our eyes. Maybe this is where the 'mind's eye' comes from. The following is taken from the book How We Know by Martin and Inge Goldstein concerning the outcome of surgery performed on people who were born blind due to cataracts. After the surgery, these people saw only swirling lights and colors. The subjects could not pick out objects. They all had to undergo a long training to 'see' things. "It is apparent that (sight), the sense we think of as most directly putting us in touch with facts is learned rather than automatic. We see with our minds, not with our eyes, and we are subject to whatever unconscious biases and misconceptions are produced by the training that teaches us to see...things need not be what they seem...changes in our own thinking may change what we see."
What does this have to do with getting outside your comfort zone you may ask. Our perceptions are our filters, and these perceptions are learned...so are your fears, your doubts, your sight. Simply put, we create our own reality through our perceptions. Oh my gosh, we've been socially programmed! Change your thoughts and you will change your life.
So, this week, pay very close attention to your thoughts, especially those that cause the uncomfortable feelings you get when you think about getting outside your comfort zone. The only reason you perceive something as dangerous when someone else is quite willing to participate is because you learned to see it that way.
Be seeing you,
Sue Ellen
Positive People in 2012
"Our minds can shape the way a thing will be because we act according to our expectations." Federico Fellini
There are plenty of differences in positive and negative people or if you prefer, optimistic and pessimistic people. We will focus on positive, optimistic people. These people look forward. They smile. They actually look for and see the positive side of everything in the past or the present. They have positive expectations for the future and know things will always progress getting better and better. They see obstacles as just that, something temporary that can be stepped over, driven through, or removed. Even if they cannot see beyond the current obstacle, they never focus on it, rather they look ahead to what they want to see.
When you came face to face with yourself, did you see the makings of a positive person? I'm not talking about the "Pollyanna" personality, but a person that wants to face the obstacles and move beyond them. A person who is determined. A person who can make a plan and take action. If you have actively made effort to get outside your comfort zone these past few months, have seen changes in yourself for doing so, and continue stretching yourself in different ways, you have joined the positive people group and deserve a pat on the back. Now with 2012 in front of you, do you have a plan? Dreams do come true for those who convert their dreams and wishes into decisions, set goals, make plans, and take action.
I challenge you to write a letter to the year 2013 describing vividly and in great detail all that came to pass in your life during 2012. State them as they have already happened. For example: "This year I weigh 125 lbs., feel great, and look 20 yrs. younger in my clothes." (rather than "This year I lost some weight.") Sign your letter, put it in an envelope, don't look at it until Jan. 1, 2013. You have taken action and will be pleasantly surprised when you read the letter out loud on Jan. 1, 2013. The mere act of writing your dreams, wishes, plans down is taking action and has significant power...as you will see.
There are plenty of differences in positive and negative people or if you prefer, optimistic and pessimistic people. We will focus on positive, optimistic people. These people look forward. They smile. They actually look for and see the positive side of everything in the past or the present. They have positive expectations for the future and know things will always progress getting better and better. They see obstacles as just that, something temporary that can be stepped over, driven through, or removed. Even if they cannot see beyond the current obstacle, they never focus on it, rather they look ahead to what they want to see.
When you came face to face with yourself, did you see the makings of a positive person? I'm not talking about the "Pollyanna" personality, but a person that wants to face the obstacles and move beyond them. A person who is determined. A person who can make a plan and take action. If you have actively made effort to get outside your comfort zone these past few months, have seen changes in yourself for doing so, and continue stretching yourself in different ways, you have joined the positive people group and deserve a pat on the back. Now with 2012 in front of you, do you have a plan? Dreams do come true for those who convert their dreams and wishes into decisions, set goals, make plans, and take action.
I challenge you to write a letter to the year 2013 describing vividly and in great detail all that came to pass in your life during 2012. State them as they have already happened. For example: "This year I weigh 125 lbs., feel great, and look 20 yrs. younger in my clothes." (rather than "This year I lost some weight.") Sign your letter, put it in an envelope, don't look at it until Jan. 1, 2013. You have taken action and will be pleasantly surprised when you read the letter out loud on Jan. 1, 2013. The mere act of writing your dreams, wishes, plans down is taking action and has significant power...as you will see.
Face to Face With Ourselves - Part II
_"The strongest principle of growth lies in human choice." George Eliot
Question #9 from last week is the key question. The other 8 questions are easily answered behind this one. There are leaders and followers, but we all lead ourselves, so we are in at least one leadership position, the most important one. Even if you choose to delegate leadership of yourself to someone else, you still make that decision on a daily basis. Hopefully last week's exercise created new meaning for you and instigated some thoughtful moments in your week. This is all about mastering yourself and realizing life cannot be different on any level if you don't take command of your own leadership. Inherent in the desire for change and self-growth is a willingness to examine yourself and adjust the course. It is the capacity for self-leadership. Congratulations, you have been moving this direction for several months now!
A look at leaders you admire will give you a list of leadership qualities. Resourceful, inventive, creative, courageous, persistent, loyal, dedicated, knowledgeable are just a few. Our culture has made being resourceful, inventive, and persistent a challenge. Modern technology has reduced our need to be resourceful and inventive, and failure to persist carries little or no consequence in our society. Our culture of instant gratification doesn't prepare us for leadership. Is it worth some persistence on your part to become the leader you need? Sure it is. You have already experienced changes in your thinking by getting outside your comfort zone.
You noticed that staying outside your comfort zone long enough, caused a change in the emotion. The next time you attempted the same 'scary' thing, the fear was less or non-existent. To continue growth, you have to keep returning to something new that causes discomfort, stretch yourself enough that some of those feelings go away, and continue.
I remember my mother saying, "Good, better, best, never let it rest. Get your good better and your better best." I thought it was just one of those things mothers say so didn't think much of it, but I do think it positively affected me through the years. Now, I hear the same saying regularly from Pat Parelli. For 3 years I have been a student of Parelli Natural Horsemanship, Pat Parelli's program for making the world a better place for horses and humans. It is fascinating to me that I grew up hearing this saying and now as an adult have joined a program that puts these same words forth. Is is possible that the energy I felt when my mother would say this created a desire for never ending self improvement, and I was drawn to the Parelli program "naturally"? Life is indeed intriguing.
Nothing is harder than facing ourselves, loving ourselves, and leading ourselves, and, ironically, there is no journey more worthwhile nor one that has more power for good in the world than this very private journey.
My wish for everyone is that 2012 brings you to a place in your life that thrills you, challenges you, and creates a desire for never ending self-improvement.
Question #9 from last week is the key question. The other 8 questions are easily answered behind this one. There are leaders and followers, but we all lead ourselves, so we are in at least one leadership position, the most important one. Even if you choose to delegate leadership of yourself to someone else, you still make that decision on a daily basis. Hopefully last week's exercise created new meaning for you and instigated some thoughtful moments in your week. This is all about mastering yourself and realizing life cannot be different on any level if you don't take command of your own leadership. Inherent in the desire for change and self-growth is a willingness to examine yourself and adjust the course. It is the capacity for self-leadership. Congratulations, you have been moving this direction for several months now!
A look at leaders you admire will give you a list of leadership qualities. Resourceful, inventive, creative, courageous, persistent, loyal, dedicated, knowledgeable are just a few. Our culture has made being resourceful, inventive, and persistent a challenge. Modern technology has reduced our need to be resourceful and inventive, and failure to persist carries little or no consequence in our society. Our culture of instant gratification doesn't prepare us for leadership. Is it worth some persistence on your part to become the leader you need? Sure it is. You have already experienced changes in your thinking by getting outside your comfort zone.
You noticed that staying outside your comfort zone long enough, caused a change in the emotion. The next time you attempted the same 'scary' thing, the fear was less or non-existent. To continue growth, you have to keep returning to something new that causes discomfort, stretch yourself enough that some of those feelings go away, and continue.
I remember my mother saying, "Good, better, best, never let it rest. Get your good better and your better best." I thought it was just one of those things mothers say so didn't think much of it, but I do think it positively affected me through the years. Now, I hear the same saying regularly from Pat Parelli. For 3 years I have been a student of Parelli Natural Horsemanship, Pat Parelli's program for making the world a better place for horses and humans. It is fascinating to me that I grew up hearing this saying and now as an adult have joined a program that puts these same words forth. Is is possible that the energy I felt when my mother would say this created a desire for never ending self improvement, and I was drawn to the Parelli program "naturally"? Life is indeed intriguing.
Nothing is harder than facing ourselves, loving ourselves, and leading ourselves, and, ironically, there is no journey more worthwhile nor one that has more power for good in the world than this very private journey.
My wish for everyone is that 2012 brings you to a place in your life that thrills you, challenges you, and creates a desire for never ending self-improvement.
Face to Face With Ourselves - Part I
"Man can starve from a lack of self-realization as much as he can from a lack of bread." Richard Wright
Facing ourselves helps us face our fears and inhibitions about leaving our comfort zones. In fact, facing ourselves is imperative if we are ever to advance. Ready? Facing yourself could be the greatest distance you've been outside your comfort zone yet. You've worked weeks creeping outside that zone and experiencing new and wonderful things, AND now the assignment is to come face to face with yourself. The things you've said take you outside your comfort zone like flying, riding an elevator alone, or speaking in public will be nothing to this little walk through fire!
Who are you? In order to face yourself, you have to know exactly who you are. Hmmmm. This could be very interesting. Can you acknowledge that you are responsible for your thoughts and actions? That these thoughts and actions are totally independent of anyone or anything else? Are we getting close to the edge of your comfort zone? Good. I guarantee once you have categorically faced who you are, you won't have trouble doing much else. Everything else will seem like cookies and cream.
Take a piece of paper and answer these questions. These questions can apply to social settings, work settings, or leisure settings. You can answer them for each setting or choose one. Be honest with yourself.
1. Do I feel worthy?
2. Do I ever make excuses?
3. Do I ever place blame?
4. Do I persist?
5. Do I easily get frustrated?
6. Do I feel like a failure?
7. Do I often feel uncomfortable?
8. Do I wish I could change my world?
9. Do I see myself as a leader or a follower?
Over the next week, read the questions and your answers two more times and stay tuned for Part II next Monday.
Have fun,
Sue Ellen
Facing ourselves helps us face our fears and inhibitions about leaving our comfort zones. In fact, facing ourselves is imperative if we are ever to advance. Ready? Facing yourself could be the greatest distance you've been outside your comfort zone yet. You've worked weeks creeping outside that zone and experiencing new and wonderful things, AND now the assignment is to come face to face with yourself. The things you've said take you outside your comfort zone like flying, riding an elevator alone, or speaking in public will be nothing to this little walk through fire!
Who are you? In order to face yourself, you have to know exactly who you are. Hmmmm. This could be very interesting. Can you acknowledge that you are responsible for your thoughts and actions? That these thoughts and actions are totally independent of anyone or anything else? Are we getting close to the edge of your comfort zone? Good. I guarantee once you have categorically faced who you are, you won't have trouble doing much else. Everything else will seem like cookies and cream.
Take a piece of paper and answer these questions. These questions can apply to social settings, work settings, or leisure settings. You can answer them for each setting or choose one. Be honest with yourself.
1. Do I feel worthy?
2. Do I ever make excuses?
3. Do I ever place blame?
4. Do I persist?
5. Do I easily get frustrated?
6. Do I feel like a failure?
7. Do I often feel uncomfortable?
8. Do I wish I could change my world?
9. Do I see myself as a leader or a follower?
Over the next week, read the questions and your answers two more times and stay tuned for Part II next Monday.
Have fun,
Sue Ellen
"All serious daring starts from within." Eudora Welty
When I read this quote by Pulitzer Prize winner, Eudora Welty, I had to smile because it is sooo true. Before my daughter kept me stretched outside my comfort zone for three months in Italy, there was no serious daring going on in me. Everyone in my life told me I was nuts to consider backpacking for three months in a most adventurous way at my age. I heard the word 'nuts' often, so often that I think I 'dared' myself to meet their expectations. I had always been a cautious person and terribly afraid to take a risk, any risk. I remember my extreme fear of heights and amusement park rides, and when I was 12 yrs. old, I stood on the ground watching my friends take a thrill ride on a huge roller coaster. When the ride was over, their adrenaline was up and they were high indeed. My peers couldn't talk me into riding, but one of their mothers whom I greatly admired told me she would ride with me and everything would be okay and that I would love it if I just tried it. The bait was too strong to resist. I would be protected by this very special person. Against all the bells and whistles going off in my head, I got on the roller coaster. In case you've ever questioned it, there really is a God because I didn't have a heart attack on that ride! The beautiful mother holding my hand and reassuring me made no difference to me. I was scared to death. In fact I think I held my breath the entire ride and could hardly breathe when I got off. I got mad at myself for doing it. I learned a big lesson about control that day, and I wanted to always be in control. From the roller coaster experience until my summer in Italy, when I was emancipated from fear and the claws of control, I never stepped outside the box again. I am forever grateful to my daughter, Jenny, for inviting me to go to Italy, and to all my friends for telling me I was 'nuts' because that started the 'dare' within me. First I had to talk myself into daring to be nuts. This was a huge leap for me, and finally I decided I would just show them what 'nuts' really was or better yet, I'd set the 'nuts' bar higher. If you've read Two Nuts in Italy, you know I did move the bar a little higher. Well, at least for an adventure challenged fifty-six-year-old! My next book will be titled How To Be a Successful Nut.
This week see if you can get some serious 'daring' going on inside.
This week see if you can get some serious 'daring' going on inside.
A Giant Leap
"This above all: to thine own self be true." William Shakespeare
Are you ready for a giant leap outside your comfort zone? Are you ready to do something that 99% of humanity does not do? Are you ready to incorporate into your day that which will make the greatest difference in everything? The trick is to do this first thing in the morning upon arising and going into the bathroom. Okay, look in your bathroom mirror every morning from now until the day you die and say out loud, "I LOVE YOU. What can I do to make you happy today?" And then whatever the answer is, do it.
This is simple but not as easy as it may seem even if you live alone...after all someone may hear you talking to yourself, right? I guarantee if you will do this every day, in a very short time, you will have very little trouble getting outside your comfort zone. You are the most important person in your world. Everything else that happens in your life, work, relationships hinges on your being in love with you.
Do you believe that putting yourself first is selfish? How's that working for you? The world is full of people who do not think they are worthy of being first. They often fall prey to drugs, alcohol, and other addictions.
I wish I could hear from each person that does this. If this is a stretch for you, please do it anyway. Each day will get a little easier, and you will be amazed at what happens.
Are you ready for a giant leap outside your comfort zone? Are you ready to do something that 99% of humanity does not do? Are you ready to incorporate into your day that which will make the greatest difference in everything? The trick is to do this first thing in the morning upon arising and going into the bathroom. Okay, look in your bathroom mirror every morning from now until the day you die and say out loud, "I LOVE YOU. What can I do to make you happy today?" And then whatever the answer is, do it.
This is simple but not as easy as it may seem even if you live alone...after all someone may hear you talking to yourself, right? I guarantee if you will do this every day, in a very short time, you will have very little trouble getting outside your comfort zone. You are the most important person in your world. Everything else that happens in your life, work, relationships hinges on your being in love with you.
Do you believe that putting yourself first is selfish? How's that working for you? The world is full of people who do not think they are worthy of being first. They often fall prey to drugs, alcohol, and other addictions.
I wish I could hear from each person that does this. If this is a stretch for you, please do it anyway. Each day will get a little easier, and you will be amazed at what happens.
Welcome to a new level of incompetence!
"I want to do it because I want to do it." Amelia Earhart
Just as you thought you were getting a handle on your fears, I introduce the word incompetence. Each time you stretch yourself outside your comfort zone, you experience those same feelings you had when you first began this journey. As with anything, when you go beyond that which you have mastered, you find you are incompetent. The feeling of incompetence is very uncomfortable and sends most fleeing back to the place where they feel competent, in control, above average. To make it to the next level in anything, a time of incompetence is a part of it. It is in this area of incompetence that learning can take place. Usually the uncomfortable-ness experienced is temporary, for when you learn something, tah-dah, you are back to feeling in control...at least for now. What a great feeling it is to step outside your comfort zone far enough to experience incompetence and stay long enough to gain the confidence that learning something new gives you! You don't need to master the new challenge, just chisel away at the incompetence by learning. When you do this enough times, it becomes addicting. Try it. Incompetence can be your greatest motivator.
Just as you thought you were getting a handle on your fears, I introduce the word incompetence. Each time you stretch yourself outside your comfort zone, you experience those same feelings you had when you first began this journey. As with anything, when you go beyond that which you have mastered, you find you are incompetent. The feeling of incompetence is very uncomfortable and sends most fleeing back to the place where they feel competent, in control, above average. To make it to the next level in anything, a time of incompetence is a part of it. It is in this area of incompetence that learning can take place. Usually the uncomfortable-ness experienced is temporary, for when you learn something, tah-dah, you are back to feeling in control...at least for now. What a great feeling it is to step outside your comfort zone far enough to experience incompetence and stay long enough to gain the confidence that learning something new gives you! You don't need to master the new challenge, just chisel away at the incompetence by learning. When you do this enough times, it becomes addicting. Try it. Incompetence can be your greatest motivator.
Intrinsic muscles
"Goodness is the only investment that never fails." Henry David Thoreau
This week's comfort zone stretcher is a mental stretch. Can you find your intrinsic muscles? Last weekend I was a student in a two-day natural horsemanship clinic. The instructor asked us to use our intrinsic muscles. I had never thought about my intrinsic muscles, so this was food for thought. Her point was that our intrinsic muscles are what we need to use when with our horses since we are already predators and our horses are prey animals. It doesn't take much to make a horse feel the need to escape, and we exert force not only with our powerful muscles but also with our core energy. For some reason we think because the horse is a 1200 lb. animal we need to use force. Not so.
I've thought about this for a few days now and realize what a gift we could give the people we encounter daily just by using our intrinsic muscles when with them. Can you find your intrinsic muscles? It's an interesting concept. The instructor's example was the difference in our biceps and triceps. If you raise your arm over your head, you are using your biceps. Quickly your arm begins to tire. If you drop you shoulder just a little, the muscles you use change (triceps), and you can hold your arm up for much longer without feeling tired. We offer support by using the intrinsic muscles. Power and force come through our predatory or extrinsic muscles.
She spoke of the center of our 'qi' (energy) housing our intrinsic muscles. This is our core, and these muscles are more for support. Engaging these muscles creates a completely different outcome than exerting the muscles in our seat, back, or arms for strength to 'make' a horse go forward or move.
The learning curve just increased. Can you focus on your core and the energy that comes from it? When with others, can you think about supporting with your intrinsic muscles rather than driving with your predator muscles?
This week's comfort zone stretcher is a mental stretch. Can you find your intrinsic muscles? Last weekend I was a student in a two-day natural horsemanship clinic. The instructor asked us to use our intrinsic muscles. I had never thought about my intrinsic muscles, so this was food for thought. Her point was that our intrinsic muscles are what we need to use when with our horses since we are already predators and our horses are prey animals. It doesn't take much to make a horse feel the need to escape, and we exert force not only with our powerful muscles but also with our core energy. For some reason we think because the horse is a 1200 lb. animal we need to use force. Not so.
I've thought about this for a few days now and realize what a gift we could give the people we encounter daily just by using our intrinsic muscles when with them. Can you find your intrinsic muscles? It's an interesting concept. The instructor's example was the difference in our biceps and triceps. If you raise your arm over your head, you are using your biceps. Quickly your arm begins to tire. If you drop you shoulder just a little, the muscles you use change (triceps), and you can hold your arm up for much longer without feeling tired. We offer support by using the intrinsic muscles. Power and force come through our predatory or extrinsic muscles.
She spoke of the center of our 'qi' (energy) housing our intrinsic muscles. This is our core, and these muscles are more for support. Engaging these muscles creates a completely different outcome than exerting the muscles in our seat, back, or arms for strength to 'make' a horse go forward or move.
The learning curve just increased. Can you focus on your core and the energy that comes from it? When with others, can you think about supporting with your intrinsic muscles rather than driving with your predator muscles?
A Detour
Let's take a detour. Have you ever been outside your comfort zone in a relationship? Was that relationship new or long term? There is one thing we can always plan on and that's change. People change and that includes you. Others can see your change whether you do or not. Once I was telling a friend that I had no trouble going through menopause to which my daughter who was listening said, "Oh, yes you did. You snapped at nothing. Glad that's over." Hmmm, I had to think awhile. She noticed something in me that I didn't. How interesting. Do you stay in a relationship because you have to or because you've had this relationship for so long and don't know what else to do? Some relationships just don't make sense. Do the wheels spin but nothing happens like a truck stuck in the mud? When a relationship makes no sense, you don't have to judge the other person or yourself. You can just move on...it's okay. Does this thought take you outside your comfort zone? Think about it this week.
Little Things Count
"Nothing is particularly hard if you divide it into small jobs." Henry Ford
I hope you have read Two Nuts in Italy since I'll refer to a specific comfort zone stretcher of mine that you read about in Chapter 18. Well, I did the same thing in Texarkana just a few weeks ago. I walked to the front door of the house I grew up in and rang the bell. When the lady answered I introduced myself and said, "I grew up in this house and would love to see it again. Could I come in and look?" Guess what. She granted my wish just as the Swiss lady did in Chapter 18. I toured my childhood home. In Switzerland, I had butterflies in my stomach when I asked for a job. Not so when I asked a total stranger in Texarkana to let me in her home. In this country you just don't ask strangers to come into their houses no matter what your reason. Really it should have been more difficult in my own culture where I know the rules, but it wasn't and only because since my Italy experience, I have practiced getting outside my comfort zone more and more. No matter how small you think it is, set a goal of every day doing something (anything) that stretches you past the comfort zone boundary. As always I would love to hear about your journey. My email is twonutsinitaly@yahoo.com.
Have fun and stretch, stretch, stretch.
I hope you have read Two Nuts in Italy since I'll refer to a specific comfort zone stretcher of mine that you read about in Chapter 18. Well, I did the same thing in Texarkana just a few weeks ago. I walked to the front door of the house I grew up in and rang the bell. When the lady answered I introduced myself and said, "I grew up in this house and would love to see it again. Could I come in and look?" Guess what. She granted my wish just as the Swiss lady did in Chapter 18. I toured my childhood home. In Switzerland, I had butterflies in my stomach when I asked for a job. Not so when I asked a total stranger in Texarkana to let me in her home. In this country you just don't ask strangers to come into their houses no matter what your reason. Really it should have been more difficult in my own culture where I know the rules, but it wasn't and only because since my Italy experience, I have practiced getting outside my comfort zone more and more. No matter how small you think it is, set a goal of every day doing something (anything) that stretches you past the comfort zone boundary. As always I would love to hear about your journey. My email is twonutsinitaly@yahoo.com.
Have fun and stretch, stretch, stretch.
Layers? Let me count them.
"Happy people plan actions...they don't plan results." Dennis Wholey
Comfort zones can emulate an onion but not until you've been outside yours a time or two. Then that s.o.b. of a zone puts on layers that you can actually hide behind. Oh man, just when we thought we had the zone licked...something new. Are you one who sees the glass half full? Me, too, so a look at layers tells me it's a positive thing. I'm betting you can accomplish much more outside your zone than you could on the first day you tried. Look back at the first fear you took on for these exercises. Hopefully that fear is a thing of the past and you have literally moved past it, but if it still causes you to hesitate, you have an onion. Now you have layers of comfort within one fear. This week think about all you have accomplished with your efforts to get outside your comfort zone. Make a list of the things that no longer cause the pit of your stomach to rise up. Congratulations! What an accomplishment! With even more joy, list the things that continue to cause butterflies but not to the degree they once did. It is this last list you are to focus on this week. Are you hiding behind a layer? See if you can get past that layer and on to then next one or better yet, see if you can spring free of all the layers landing you a distance outside your comfort zone.
FYI, my week in Texarkana was the most perfect five days I've spent anywhere. It is truly amazing what can happen when we can let go of control and fear and enjoy ourselves. Even the TV interview was comfortable possibly because it was a taping and not live. They can edit if they choose to and air it multiple times. It is 13 minutes long and will be aired Monday, Oct. 3 at 7:00 p.m., Wednesday, Oct. 5 at 9:30 p.m., Thursday, Oct. 6 11:00 a.m., Saturday, Oct. 8 11:00 a.m., and Sunday, Oct. 9 5:00 p.m.
Comfort zones can emulate an onion but not until you've been outside yours a time or two. Then that s.o.b. of a zone puts on layers that you can actually hide behind. Oh man, just when we thought we had the zone licked...something new. Are you one who sees the glass half full? Me, too, so a look at layers tells me it's a positive thing. I'm betting you can accomplish much more outside your zone than you could on the first day you tried. Look back at the first fear you took on for these exercises. Hopefully that fear is a thing of the past and you have literally moved past it, but if it still causes you to hesitate, you have an onion. Now you have layers of comfort within one fear. This week think about all you have accomplished with your efforts to get outside your comfort zone. Make a list of the things that no longer cause the pit of your stomach to rise up. Congratulations! What an accomplishment! With even more joy, list the things that continue to cause butterflies but not to the degree they once did. It is this last list you are to focus on this week. Are you hiding behind a layer? See if you can get past that layer and on to then next one or better yet, see if you can spring free of all the layers landing you a distance outside your comfort zone.
FYI, my week in Texarkana was the most perfect five days I've spent anywhere. It is truly amazing what can happen when we can let go of control and fear and enjoy ourselves. Even the TV interview was comfortable possibly because it was a taping and not live. They can edit if they choose to and air it multiple times. It is 13 minutes long and will be aired Monday, Oct. 3 at 7:00 p.m., Wednesday, Oct. 5 at 9:30 p.m., Thursday, Oct. 6 11:00 a.m., Saturday, Oct. 8 11:00 a.m., and Sunday, Oct. 9 5:00 p.m.
Where did the steps go?
"The successful person is the individual who forms the habit of doing what the failing person doesn't like to do." Donald Riggs
When I first began Monday Musings, I wanted to make getting outside your comfort zone so easy and inviting that it was no more than a step by step process. After Step Seven, I decided to drop the steps since we often have to repeat a step or double back on something more than once to experience success. Each time you think you aren't getting anywhere or feel bogged down or overwhelmed in this adventure, return to a step you had success in and go through it with a new challenge. Success in anything you want is in your hand. All you need do is grasp it and know it's yours. The only reason some people do not experience success is because they give up one minute too soon. For the next seven days do what it takes. Hang in there.
This week I am in my hometown of Texarkana, Texas, promoting Two Nuts in Italy. My comfort zone will be challenged on several occasions through speaking engagements and one television interview.
When I first began Monday Musings, I wanted to make getting outside your comfort zone so easy and inviting that it was no more than a step by step process. After Step Seven, I decided to drop the steps since we often have to repeat a step or double back on something more than once to experience success. Each time you think you aren't getting anywhere or feel bogged down or overwhelmed in this adventure, return to a step you had success in and go through it with a new challenge. Success in anything you want is in your hand. All you need do is grasp it and know it's yours. The only reason some people do not experience success is because they give up one minute too soon. For the next seven days do what it takes. Hang in there.
This week I am in my hometown of Texarkana, Texas, promoting Two Nuts in Italy. My comfort zone will be challenged on several occasions through speaking engagements and one television interview.
Awareness
"No man remains quite what he was when he recognizes himself." Thomas Mann
The choices you make moment to moment expose your awareness of yourself. You have unlimited potential because you are a child of God. It doesn't matter if you believe in God or not; your potential is still limitless. Only you can restrict the possibilities. As you approach and retreat your fears and expand yourself, your choices change because your awareness of yourself has changed. After my experiences outside my comfort zone (of which I write in Two Nuts in Italy), I watched the seed that had been planted within me sprout. This was exciting, and once I realized my personal growth, I tackled another fear and/or doubt...then another...and another. The success builds. Only you can end your personal growth. The choice is yours.
I used to be afraid to look at a snake. Looking at one made my skin crawl, and I wanted to run away. You might say, "You're kidding, right?" That's the same thing I thought when a woman told me she couldn't ride on the new freeway because it was too high and she is afraid of heights. I cannot change that woman's fears nor she mine. I went to a rattlesnake roundup in March and looked at hundreds of rattlesnakes. It was creepy, and I was glad when it was over, and I thought when I left, "I still hate snakes." To my surprise, I can look at one now without those awful feelings returning. I'll add that I still do not want to hold one...yet.
As I've shed fears and grown, my awareness of myself and the world has changed. I perceive life differently, more is open to me, and I want more. My choices reflect this and yours will, too. I must warn you that it is a bit daunting and thrilling simultaneously when you realize your possibilities really are unlimited.
This week be aware of your choices not day to day, but moment to moment. Make some notes about your awareness and ponder them. Approach and retreat them if necessary! Above all...have fun.
The choices you make moment to moment expose your awareness of yourself. You have unlimited potential because you are a child of God. It doesn't matter if you believe in God or not; your potential is still limitless. Only you can restrict the possibilities. As you approach and retreat your fears and expand yourself, your choices change because your awareness of yourself has changed. After my experiences outside my comfort zone (of which I write in Two Nuts in Italy), I watched the seed that had been planted within me sprout. This was exciting, and once I realized my personal growth, I tackled another fear and/or doubt...then another...and another. The success builds. Only you can end your personal growth. The choice is yours.
I used to be afraid to look at a snake. Looking at one made my skin crawl, and I wanted to run away. You might say, "You're kidding, right?" That's the same thing I thought when a woman told me she couldn't ride on the new freeway because it was too high and she is afraid of heights. I cannot change that woman's fears nor she mine. I went to a rattlesnake roundup in March and looked at hundreds of rattlesnakes. It was creepy, and I was glad when it was over, and I thought when I left, "I still hate snakes." To my surprise, I can look at one now without those awful feelings returning. I'll add that I still do not want to hold one...yet.
As I've shed fears and grown, my awareness of myself and the world has changed. I perceive life differently, more is open to me, and I want more. My choices reflect this and yours will, too. I must warn you that it is a bit daunting and thrilling simultaneously when you realize your possibilities really are unlimited.
This week be aware of your choices not day to day, but moment to moment. Make some notes about your awareness and ponder them. Approach and retreat them if necessary! Above all...have fun.
Seeking Refuge
"A man's doubts and fears are his worst enemies." William Wrigley, Jr.
Have you determined what keeps you in your comfort zone and away from personal growth? It's a four letter word that starts with F.... FEAR.
Fear has many different faces, and each one looks like safety. Oddly enough, we seek refuge in our weaknesses. Think about this this week. Write any thoughts that come to mind concerning your own retreats within youtself. A friend told me about a picture she saw of a police officer taking a badly beaten baby from the arms of his mother. The officer's intent was to take the baby to safety, but in the picture, the baby's arms are outstretched towards his mother, for in spite of the abuse he received from those hands, that is all he knew. Where do you seek refuge?
Have you determined what keeps you in your comfort zone and away from personal growth? It's a four letter word that starts with F.... FEAR.
Fear has many different faces, and each one looks like safety. Oddly enough, we seek refuge in our weaknesses. Think about this this week. Write any thoughts that come to mind concerning your own retreats within youtself. A friend told me about a picture she saw of a police officer taking a badly beaten baby from the arms of his mother. The officer's intent was to take the baby to safety, but in the picture, the baby's arms are outstretched towards his mother, for in spite of the abuse he received from those hands, that is all he knew. Where do you seek refuge?
Comfort Zone Guards
"The most difficult thing in life is to know yourself." Thales
What is it that keeps you inside your comfort zone and away from a more enriching life? Over the past few months, I hope you have ventured outside that zone to feel the discomfort long enough to realize that it subsides. Whew! What a relief that is! No matter whether it is discomfort you feel from an outside challenge like flying or riding an elevator, or a discomfort coming from the need to make internal adjustments (like my own example in last week's post), discomfort is discomfort. This week take a few minutes each day to think about this: There is tremendous potential in you. and you cannot be fully aware of this or connected to its source unless you live passionately and are willing to go within.
There are no answers outside of us. All the answers lie within. Is residing in your comfort zone standing in the way of everything? Many people meditate, study, pray, and engage in all sorts of spiritual exercises. This is all good, but these are no substitutes for self-examination.
What is it that keeps you inside your comfort zone and away from a more enriching life? Over the past few months, I hope you have ventured outside that zone to feel the discomfort long enough to realize that it subsides. Whew! What a relief that is! No matter whether it is discomfort you feel from an outside challenge like flying or riding an elevator, or a discomfort coming from the need to make internal adjustments (like my own example in last week's post), discomfort is discomfort. This week take a few minutes each day to think about this: There is tremendous potential in you. and you cannot be fully aware of this or connected to its source unless you live passionately and are willing to go within.
There are no answers outside of us. All the answers lie within. Is residing in your comfort zone standing in the way of everything? Many people meditate, study, pray, and engage in all sorts of spiritual exercises. This is all good, but these are no substitutes for self-examination.
Home Again
"Every second is of infinite value." Johann von Goethe
Two months have passed since I posted Monday Musings. I stayed in Pagosa Springs for the month of August which was an unexpected pleasure. My horse and I had some great things going for us in July and I didn't want that to end, so I stayed to see what August could bring. We advanced in our relationship and skills more than I ever expected. I learned much about myself most of which has to do with relationships. In my life's experience, the pain of separation or loss in relationships has been unbearable. I learned through working with my horse these past two months that I resist a true connection to him. At a point in my life, I learned to protect myself by not being fully connected so when the separation or loss occurs, it is not unbearably painful. I know this is true in all my relationships, and because of this, I do not fully experience the joy of the relationship, and I am projecting into the future rather than enjoying the moment. My task will be to step outside my comfort zone and embrace every relationship to the fullest with a deep heart connection so I might enjoy every moment in each relationship.
Outside My Comfort Zone
"Expect a lot, accept a little, reward often." Pat Parelli
The month of July will take me in all directions outside my comfort zone, and since I'll be away from my computer (a comfort zone stretcher for sure), I will not be adding to Monday Musings this month. I will be at the Parelli Ranch in Pagosa Springs, Colorado, with my horse Tronie. We will be attending classes Monday-Friday each week with the goal of advancing our horsemanship journey together as far as we can. When I get to the ranch, I am tested on my horsemanship skills, then we have class all month and the last day we are tested to see our progress. The butterflies are fluttering in anticipation just from my thoughts of those exams. Here is where I have to take charge of my thoughts. This month has the potential of being nothing but fun, BUT since I am an achiever and love competition, I make it something else...something else indeed...so my task right now is to see this opportunity as just that, an opportunity, and not get stressed about it. I hope you have benefited from these Monday Musings and the month of July will give you an opportunity to pat yourself on the back every day. I'll be back in August.
The month of July will take me in all directions outside my comfort zone, and since I'll be away from my computer (a comfort zone stretcher for sure), I will not be adding to Monday Musings this month. I will be at the Parelli Ranch in Pagosa Springs, Colorado, with my horse Tronie. We will be attending classes Monday-Friday each week with the goal of advancing our horsemanship journey together as far as we can. When I get to the ranch, I am tested on my horsemanship skills, then we have class all month and the last day we are tested to see our progress. The butterflies are fluttering in anticipation just from my thoughts of those exams. Here is where I have to take charge of my thoughts. This month has the potential of being nothing but fun, BUT since I am an achiever and love competition, I make it something else...something else indeed...so my task right now is to see this opportunity as just that, an opportunity, and not get stressed about it. I hope you have benefited from these Monday Musings and the month of July will give you an opportunity to pat yourself on the back every day. I'll be back in August.
Thoughts Become Things
"Think you can, think you can't; either way, you'll be right." Henry Ford
Since thoughts become things, we'd better rein them in. Another way to think of this is "be careful what you ask for...you just might get it." Last week I made reference to a student whose confidence was challenged. His confidence was weak because he didn't think he could read when holding a book even though he could read just fine when he encountered the same words elsewhere. Your thoughts about being able to overcome your fears are the only thing holding you back. The mind is a powerful entity and some 60,000 thoughts race through it daily. It's just that we pay attention to the same few and we hash those over and over and over. Taking control of your thoughts is no simple task and requires focus and determination. First you must realize what thoughts are available to you by paying attention to everything that drifts through your head.
Here is a simple exercise to help you realize more of the thoughts skipping through your gray matter. Take a note pad and pen. Sit for only five minutes at first and gradually stretch it to ten minutes. Take any subject...like "Mondays are" or "Money is" or "I remember" or anything. Set the timer for five minutes and write down everything that comes through your mind even if it has nothing to do with the subject. Follow your mind with your pen and see where it takes you. If you pay attention, you cannot write fast enough to keep up with it, but do the best you can. The only rule is you cannot let your pen stop. If you let your pen stop, the wicked editor steps in to tell you how stupid you are. Do this exercise every day for a week. You will have a new outlook about your thoughts which in turn could change things in your life.
Since thoughts become things, we'd better rein them in. Another way to think of this is "be careful what you ask for...you just might get it." Last week I made reference to a student whose confidence was challenged. His confidence was weak because he didn't think he could read when holding a book even though he could read just fine when he encountered the same words elsewhere. Your thoughts about being able to overcome your fears are the only thing holding you back. The mind is a powerful entity and some 60,000 thoughts race through it daily. It's just that we pay attention to the same few and we hash those over and over and over. Taking control of your thoughts is no simple task and requires focus and determination. First you must realize what thoughts are available to you by paying attention to everything that drifts through your head.
Here is a simple exercise to help you realize more of the thoughts skipping through your gray matter. Take a note pad and pen. Sit for only five minutes at first and gradually stretch it to ten minutes. Take any subject...like "Mondays are" or "Money is" or "I remember" or anything. Set the timer for five minutes and write down everything that comes through your mind even if it has nothing to do with the subject. Follow your mind with your pen and see where it takes you. If you pay attention, you cannot write fast enough to keep up with it, but do the best you can. The only rule is you cannot let your pen stop. If you let your pen stop, the wicked editor steps in to tell you how stupid you are. Do this exercise every day for a week. You will have a new outlook about your thoughts which in turn could change things in your life.
Step Seven - Stinking Thinking
"Confidence is contagious. So is lack of confidence." Vince Lombardi
In Step Five I mentioned my thoughts having an influence on my feelings about a previous fear of elevators. Let's look at thoughts this week. I tutor students of all ages who have difficulty in reading and spelling. My success rate is 100% not because of me but the approach I take. Sometimes a student needs help overcoming his own thoughts. The older the student, the harder this is. Example: A parent brings her non-reading eleven year old to me for help. We meet twice a week for a year. The student now scores on grade level in spelling and his reading comprehension is great, but his confidence in reading is not matching his ability. He decodes very difficult words when asked to break them into syllables on the blackboard and then say them, but when those same words appear in a book, his response is not as confident. For years he had failure when holding books to read. This is the thought that monopolizes his mind and affects his performance.
The same is true of your trying to overcome a fear or try something new. Your experience tells you it's not going to happen and gives you plenty of reasons why. These thoughts become your barrier to realizing your goal. This week pay close attention to what goes through your mind when you step out attempting to do something that takes you outside your comfort zone. Make notes of these thoughts and what they are dominating. You will find them very interesting.
In Step Five I mentioned my thoughts having an influence on my feelings about a previous fear of elevators. Let's look at thoughts this week. I tutor students of all ages who have difficulty in reading and spelling. My success rate is 100% not because of me but the approach I take. Sometimes a student needs help overcoming his own thoughts. The older the student, the harder this is. Example: A parent brings her non-reading eleven year old to me for help. We meet twice a week for a year. The student now scores on grade level in spelling and his reading comprehension is great, but his confidence in reading is not matching his ability. He decodes very difficult words when asked to break them into syllables on the blackboard and then say them, but when those same words appear in a book, his response is not as confident. For years he had failure when holding books to read. This is the thought that monopolizes his mind and affects his performance.
The same is true of your trying to overcome a fear or try something new. Your experience tells you it's not going to happen and gives you plenty of reasons why. These thoughts become your barrier to realizing your goal. This week pay close attention to what goes through your mind when you step out attempting to do something that takes you outside your comfort zone. Make notes of these thoughts and what they are dominating. You will find them very interesting.
Step Six - Coast and Enjoy
What we see depends mainly on what we look for. John Lubbock
If you have been participating in Monday Musings these past five weeks, congratulations on some accomplishments! An accomplishment is progress no matter how small you see it. Some of you may have conquered the fear entirely. Great. Go on to the next one. This week it's time to coast a little. By this I mean take a look at what you have accomplished toward the goal. Amount doesn't matter. Progress is progress, and this is a step by step endeavor. Pat yourself on the back as you continue taking those steps toward your goal no matter how small each step is. Realize how your emotions have changed when you approach the fear, how you can now stay even a step outside your comfort zone without getting sick, breaking into a sweat, or feeling like you will faint. This week think back over each approach to the goal you have been working on, and appreciate how far you have come. For the next seven days, focus on your progress. Focusing on your progress (instead of how far you think you still are from your goal) is a well deserved prize. Enjoy! See you next week.
If you have been participating in Monday Musings these past five weeks, congratulations on some accomplishments! An accomplishment is progress no matter how small you see it. Some of you may have conquered the fear entirely. Great. Go on to the next one. This week it's time to coast a little. By this I mean take a look at what you have accomplished toward the goal. Amount doesn't matter. Progress is progress, and this is a step by step endeavor. Pat yourself on the back as you continue taking those steps toward your goal no matter how small each step is. Realize how your emotions have changed when you approach the fear, how you can now stay even a step outside your comfort zone without getting sick, breaking into a sweat, or feeling like you will faint. This week think back over each approach to the goal you have been working on, and appreciate how far you have come. For the next seven days, focus on your progress. Focusing on your progress (instead of how far you think you still are from your goal) is a well deserved prize. Enjoy! See you next week.
Step Five - If at first you don't succeed, try, try again!
We conquer by continuing. George Matheson
No, I'm not assuming you did not have success, but I know from experience that overcoming fear is not easy. Hopefully by now you have experienced the discomfort of getting outside your comfort zone and staying there long enough to feel the discomfort subside just a little. If this has not been your scenario for the past couple weeks, no problem. The next step is to approach and retreat the fear. In other words, step back a little. Don't push yourself. Take tinier steps toward the thing you want to do. I used to be fearful of riding elevators. They were claustrophobic, they went up, and who knows, the mechanical device just might not stop and could possibly shoot through the roof of the building, and I'd be airborne. That is exactly what I thought. Worse yet, if there was no one to ride with me, my fear of being alone compounded the event. I'm not kidding. To most people, this might seem bizarre, but the fear was real to me. As I recount in Two Nuts in Italy, Jenny forced me to be alone some everyday. Staying in a strange home, alone, late at night, not knowing if or when the residents would return wasn't being alone to her, the perfect example of one person not being able to relate to another person's fear. The three months in Italy stretched me so far outside my comfort zone, but it helped me lose my fears. I'm no longer afraid of flying or riding elevators or anything else! The first time I had to ride an elevator after returning from Italy, butterflies fluttered just a bit in my stomach but not from my fear of riding the elevator. My thoughts of past fear of riding the elevator surfaced and momentarily I felt an uneasy sensation. I could have continued in that thinking and probably not been able to get on the elevator, but I said, 'No." I didn't want to go there again. It's amazing what our thoughts can do to our experiences.
So, if you have had success getting outside your comfort zone, up the ante or take on a new challenge, but if you have struggled, don't give up. Approach a little slower, but retreat a little slower, too.
Have a wonderful week of courage, confidence, and a few butterflies.
No, I'm not assuming you did not have success, but I know from experience that overcoming fear is not easy. Hopefully by now you have experienced the discomfort of getting outside your comfort zone and staying there long enough to feel the discomfort subside just a little. If this has not been your scenario for the past couple weeks, no problem. The next step is to approach and retreat the fear. In other words, step back a little. Don't push yourself. Take tinier steps toward the thing you want to do. I used to be fearful of riding elevators. They were claustrophobic, they went up, and who knows, the mechanical device just might not stop and could possibly shoot through the roof of the building, and I'd be airborne. That is exactly what I thought. Worse yet, if there was no one to ride with me, my fear of being alone compounded the event. I'm not kidding. To most people, this might seem bizarre, but the fear was real to me. As I recount in Two Nuts in Italy, Jenny forced me to be alone some everyday. Staying in a strange home, alone, late at night, not knowing if or when the residents would return wasn't being alone to her, the perfect example of one person not being able to relate to another person's fear. The three months in Italy stretched me so far outside my comfort zone, but it helped me lose my fears. I'm no longer afraid of flying or riding elevators or anything else! The first time I had to ride an elevator after returning from Italy, butterflies fluttered just a bit in my stomach but not from my fear of riding the elevator. My thoughts of past fear of riding the elevator surfaced and momentarily I felt an uneasy sensation. I could have continued in that thinking and probably not been able to get on the elevator, but I said, 'No." I didn't want to go there again. It's amazing what our thoughts can do to our experiences.
So, if you have had success getting outside your comfort zone, up the ante or take on a new challenge, but if you have struggled, don't give up. Approach a little slower, but retreat a little slower, too.
Have a wonderful week of courage, confidence, and a few butterflies.
Step Four - Feeling Comfortable
Little by little does the trick. Aesop
If you have been on board with Monday Musings these past three weeks, you have experienced some changes in how you feel when you step outside your comfort zone. This week we will move to the next step in expanding you. Feeling comfortable when you are outside your comfort zone. I promise you if you approach and retreat your fears or discomforts, you will conquer them. Everyone has a different time line and one person cannot be compared to another. You are working on you. Don't compare yourself to anyone else. Every day think about the gifts you are about to receive when you step outside just a little bit. These gifts are confidence, courage, surprise, and adventure. My personal experience dangling outside my comfort zone for three months is unusual. It was sort of a crash course. I didn't have a choice. Jenny kept me stretched and you know what? I lived and you will, too. Not only did I live, I am a different person, a better person, a happier person. This week stretch yourself a little more. Stay uncomfortable in your approach a little longer and feel the difference.
Since Italy, I have tackled new and exciting things in my life that before were not even on my radar. For my 60th birthday I bought a horse. An ex-racehorse! I didn't know how to ride. I knew very little about horses except I was afraid of them. A friend of mine knew this and feared for my safety. She involved me in Parelli Natural Horsemanship and it probably saved my life. The program teaches you step by step and encourages you to approach and retreat not only your fears but the horse's fears also. It is amazing how this step by step approach can change your life.
This week stretch yourself a little more. Stay uncomfortable in your approach a little longer and feel the difference. You might even feel confident enough to begin approaching and retreating another of your fears. It is all so exciting.
If you have been on board with Monday Musings these past three weeks, you have experienced some changes in how you feel when you step outside your comfort zone. This week we will move to the next step in expanding you. Feeling comfortable when you are outside your comfort zone. I promise you if you approach and retreat your fears or discomforts, you will conquer them. Everyone has a different time line and one person cannot be compared to another. You are working on you. Don't compare yourself to anyone else. Every day think about the gifts you are about to receive when you step outside just a little bit. These gifts are confidence, courage, surprise, and adventure. My personal experience dangling outside my comfort zone for three months is unusual. It was sort of a crash course. I didn't have a choice. Jenny kept me stretched and you know what? I lived and you will, too. Not only did I live, I am a different person, a better person, a happier person. This week stretch yourself a little more. Stay uncomfortable in your approach a little longer and feel the difference.
Since Italy, I have tackled new and exciting things in my life that before were not even on my radar. For my 60th birthday I bought a horse. An ex-racehorse! I didn't know how to ride. I knew very little about horses except I was afraid of them. A friend of mine knew this and feared for my safety. She involved me in Parelli Natural Horsemanship and it probably saved my life. The program teaches you step by step and encourages you to approach and retreat not only your fears but the horse's fears also. It is amazing how this step by step approach can change your life.
This week stretch yourself a little more. Stay uncomfortable in your approach a little longer and feel the difference. You might even feel confident enough to begin approaching and retreating another of your fears. It is all so exciting.
Step Three - Overcoming Fear
Fear is the most damnable, damaging thing to human personality in the whole world. William Faulkner
The past two weeks you've visited your fears. By now, I hope you are very familiar with your comfort zone and how little or how much it takes to get you outside that safety net. As the picture shows, our fears surround us and drown our dreams. Flying used to be one of my greatest fears. My first opportunity to fly came when I was sixteen. My father asked me if I would like to accompany him on a business trip to Rome, Italy. Already at the young age of sixteen, I was afraid of heights, and although my father was fascinated with planes, I was afraid of them, the noise they made, and the fact that if I got on one, it would leave the ground and with it my feet! I declined, and my father went alone. My fears had won. It was only after the three months backpacking with Jenny that I learned what happens when I dare step outside my comfort zone, allow those fearful feelings, and hang in there a little longer each time. Soon those feelings of fear change to something good, really good.
This week, choose one of the tasks on your list and take one step toward it. For example, when it was time for me to learn to ride my horse, I was bound with fear. I enjoyed playing with him on the ground online and at liberty, but the thought of getting on the 16.3 hand ex-racehorse was scary. At my age, I don't bounce anymore and the thought of me possibly hitting the ground had a death grip on me. I approached this task one step at a time. At first I got nervous just thinking about it. I had to allow myself to feel uncomfortable. Then I would saddle the horse and the fear would come up again, so I would stand beside the saddled horse. My heart would pound. Each time I would take this process just one step further. It was a long time before I actually got in the saddle, a very long time. I took a step at a time allowing myself time to adjust. Now we are riding everywhere.
This week take one step toward your goal. Feel the uncomfortable feelings long enough that you notice a change in them. They will subside and you will live. Then back away. Do this several times this week being sure that each time you hang in there until you notice a change in how you feel.
Hang in there. We'll crack that nut!
The past two weeks you've visited your fears. By now, I hope you are very familiar with your comfort zone and how little or how much it takes to get you outside that safety net. As the picture shows, our fears surround us and drown our dreams. Flying used to be one of my greatest fears. My first opportunity to fly came when I was sixteen. My father asked me if I would like to accompany him on a business trip to Rome, Italy. Already at the young age of sixteen, I was afraid of heights, and although my father was fascinated with planes, I was afraid of them, the noise they made, and the fact that if I got on one, it would leave the ground and with it my feet! I declined, and my father went alone. My fears had won. It was only after the three months backpacking with Jenny that I learned what happens when I dare step outside my comfort zone, allow those fearful feelings, and hang in there a little longer each time. Soon those feelings of fear change to something good, really good.
This week, choose one of the tasks on your list and take one step toward it. For example, when it was time for me to learn to ride my horse, I was bound with fear. I enjoyed playing with him on the ground online and at liberty, but the thought of getting on the 16.3 hand ex-racehorse was scary. At my age, I don't bounce anymore and the thought of me possibly hitting the ground had a death grip on me. I approached this task one step at a time. At first I got nervous just thinking about it. I had to allow myself to feel uncomfortable. Then I would saddle the horse and the fear would come up again, so I would stand beside the saddled horse. My heart would pound. Each time I would take this process just one step further. It was a long time before I actually got in the saddle, a very long time. I took a step at a time allowing myself time to adjust. Now we are riding everywhere.
This week take one step toward your goal. Feel the uncomfortable feelings long enough that you notice a change in them. They will subside and you will live. Then back away. Do this several times this week being sure that each time you hang in there until you notice a change in how you feel.
Hang in there. We'll crack that nut!
Step Two
The ability to concentrate and use your time well is everything.
Lee Iococca
When my daughter, Jenny, asked me to go backpacking for three months in Italy with no reservations, itinerary, cell phone, or money, instead asking people on the street if we could go home with them, I was catapulted outside my comfort zone just thinking about this. It took me a few months of concentrated effort to think of me doing something like this. You can read about it in Two Nuts in Italy. It is scary when a thought takes you outside your comfort zone, but that's what Monday Musings is about. Finding out what happens outside that little zone of comfort. It's amazing as you will see.
Last week you made a list and you've been thinking about that list. Today, choose three things off last week's list. Three that you think you could do or that you really, really want to do. Carry the new, smaller list with you and look at it every day this week spending 15-20 seconds thinking about you doing each of these three things. The more times in the day you can give 15-20 seconds the better, but it must be at least once each day. That's all for this week. Every day simply think about you doing each of these things. If you dare, talk to yourself about doing these things. See you next Monday for Step Three.
Lee Iococca
When my daughter, Jenny, asked me to go backpacking for three months in Italy with no reservations, itinerary, cell phone, or money, instead asking people on the street if we could go home with them, I was catapulted outside my comfort zone just thinking about this. It took me a few months of concentrated effort to think of me doing something like this. You can read about it in Two Nuts in Italy. It is scary when a thought takes you outside your comfort zone, but that's what Monday Musings is about. Finding out what happens outside that little zone of comfort. It's amazing as you will see.
Last week you made a list and you've been thinking about that list. Today, choose three things off last week's list. Three that you think you could do or that you really, really want to do. Carry the new, smaller list with you and look at it every day this week spending 15-20 seconds thinking about you doing each of these three things. The more times in the day you can give 15-20 seconds the better, but it must be at least once each day. That's all for this week. Every day simply think about you doing each of these things. If you dare, talk to yourself about doing these things. See you next Monday for Step Three.
Need help sneaking outside your comfort zone? You'll find it here in these words of wisdom and tiny tasks aimed at YOU becoming a successful nut.
Me in Murren, Switzerland!
To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all. Oscar Wilde
Number from 1-10 on a piece of paper and make a list of all that brings feelings of fear to you. What is it that brings butterflies to your stomach? What takes you outside your comfort zone? I guarantee it's more than ten things, but we'll start with ten. Post the list where you will see it daily. As the week goes by, think about the things or your list and record any thoughts that come to mind. You may or may not have any thoughts that come up. That's okay. Just think about these ten things this week. Check back next week and we'll take this up a notch.
Number from 1-10 on a piece of paper and make a list of all that brings feelings of fear to you. What is it that brings butterflies to your stomach? What takes you outside your comfort zone? I guarantee it's more than ten things, but we'll start with ten. Post the list where you will see it daily. As the week goes by, think about the things or your list and record any thoughts that come to mind. You may or may not have any thoughts that come up. That's okay. Just think about these ten things this week. Check back next week and we'll take this up a notch.